Most of you know that I have always been accused of being direct. No grey in this guy's life...its either black or white, no in between. Some have even said they would either love me or hate me, but either way, they would know where they stand. I have found over the years that more people than less, actually respect that part of me.
So in that light, today I want to talk about wimps. You know, the ones that sit around and complain about everything and take no action to change the situation and make our world a better place.
I have just come through, to say the very least, a brutal week, but I am going to share with you, exactly what I did about it to bury the emotion, pick up the pieces and just plain move on...and remember as you read this "Love Never Fails" and there are countless references to the subject...pay attention!!!
On September 24 I lost a dear friend that I have written so many songs with, Tommi Jordan who took her life by an overdose of sleeping pills. There is the mystery of why, but then, why go there? She flat crashed under pressure. Now I don't want you to think I am hardcore and not sensitive. There are but a few very close to me, that I confide in, who truly know of the war between my music and the women in my life. One in particular I shared this message of death with in Salt Lake City, UT comes along and says "God is surrounding you with angels to help you with your own music, ever think of that?" So I'm thinking I have spent all of my life in service to others producing concert tours, artist careers and records etc.,and so maybe it's so. I am weak, sad and I mean, I am seriously crying over Tommi, TJ as we all called her. But who is this mystery woman with such great wisdom and why all of a sudden is it so strong, afterall we met 5 years ago but she was just a baby then, now she has blossomed and matured beyaond any mans wildest imagination? Maybe later. Damn man, it feels like Sleepless In Seatle only it's Salt Lake City.
So I am bracing to get ready for the course ahead without TJ, just minding my own damn business on September 25th. Yeah, I could of even be pouting, been emotional, maybe even a little disfunctional for the day, and...then, I get this call. I pick up the call with an attitude. Could be a good or a bad call, be positive right? So it's my daughter-in-law Brenda. Now I am smiling right cause I love her to death...wrong! She will comfort me right? She did for a minute expressing her sorrow about TJ, but then...comes the message that my step-son took his life today, "took a gun to his head, pulled the trigger, now he's dead" as Queen would say. Now I am really ready to lose it. Talk about a punch in the face. I am speechless, call Jenna my daughter and ravish through some thought after a fight with another woman and again, my mystery woman pulls me through the journey in a subliminal way with her compasionate words. She is treading lightly now, because she, as I, are completely unable to understand the nature of this part of the journey, but she is there and I am out in lala land by now. My first question to her, "Do you believe in God?" She says, "of course I do, you know that." "I am very concerned about this person we call God", I say to her. "Why" she asks. He says to me all the time, "Just keep going", says God. And I'm like "sure, it's easy for you to say, why don't you try going through this?" When all of a sudden I realize God is not only going through it with me, He is driving the car...so I get a glimpse of hope because He brought me her to help me through...Who would have ever known? She comforts with words, she utters the words of truth and love, displays the meaning of the word beauty...she is drop dead gorgious.
So I run away, jet off to Clonakilty, Ireland for the weekend to hideaway in my my favorite place in the world, escape from my emotions, figure out the new mystery woman's role of wisdom in my world, write a bucnh of songs and yeah...flat ass run away. Who wouldn't? I go here because it's peaceful, sits on the water in the south part of Cork County and, pretty much I can just say FU to the world. On the plane ride over, I get this melody rolling around in my head, team it up with some lyrics I had written for the mystery woman weeks ago with TJ and start charting what I am going to do when I get another session in a studio somewhere...thinking somewhere in Ireland would be nice, where they really get country music, where the feel is real, the roots are strong and people don't just screw with commercialized bullshit words to fit and meter to a particular groove in an awesome melody...kind of like a man and a woman truly in love, in the heat of a heightened love session...you know the kind...the feeling of oneness with each other, but I am here for a reading. Man I want that sometime in this life...a woman that will just take me for who I am and not what I do. "Suddenly" is the feeling that I get as I get into Ireland. Everything that is happening is happening "Suddenly." Quick !!! Attitude adjustment, it can be cool, be a drag or I could even consider following these special folks in my life that chose to just check out. Yeah, just for one minute, I go there. You would too, don't lie to me or yourself, its a normal thought.
So I get off the plane in Dublin, it's just beautiful even in the dark. My friend Tomas picks me up, gives me the big Irish adda' boy, chipper up lad, let's go have a wee bit of Guiness, get some sleep and write it all down in the am, pour it out in a MIDI file like syrup on a pancake. Man I was a just a wreck. All I could do was cry and I did. I cried so much that I made myself sick, conjested with headaches, torn emotions and the like. We are in the car I'm thinking, to begin the journey to Cork, which is a long drive. He tells me a friend of his is going fly us to Cork in his personal jet and I 'm so tired now, crying in pain, I don't even give a shit. Just get me to a bed and maybe even some sleeping pills...maybe I can follow TJ and my son Rick...just for a minute...I'm ok, but human. Who wouldn't follow loved ones?
Anyway, somehow through all of this shit, I get my head screwed on straight with words of inspiration rolling around in my head from the Salt Lake City, UT mystery woman, Tomas and even TJ dropping in to say "I am sorry for leaving you."..when I realize that everything is "SUDDENLY BEAUTIFUL." Yikes, attitude adjustment. One would probably pay to see this shit in a movie. I am just one with balls enough to share this shit with you because you have told me you care over and over again. I tell Tomas what I am thinking and he says "let's record it." I'm like, "now?" He's like, "yeah, right now." We are in a plane but I have no clue that this plane belongs to some producer friend of his and is all set up with portable gear to capture ideas in the air. I am smiling now, even through the pain, music to my ears and quite honestly, everything became even more "SUDDNELY BEAUTIFUL." I got 2 deaths behind me (well 24-48 hours behind me), I am in Ireland (who wouldn't want that), I am a musician in a plane with a recording studio (beats a bad orgasm) and I got the mystery woman on my mind to have the orgasm with...shit man, what else does a guy need right? Everything is "SUDDENLY BEAUTIFUL."
By now you have to be getting it. The greatest of losses in life still carry the same formula I have shared with you for years. Point A to Point B is no farther than the distance between your ears man...Your attitude is EVERYTHING!!! Everything cool so far?
Not so fast my friend. Now I get a text message out of New York right after we record "SUDDENLY BEAUTIFUL" and land, which by the way, didn't come with that orgasm from the mystery woman...cause she wasn't there...LOL !!!
Noel Taylor, one of my good friends, a producer during my tenure as the VP at MCA Records freakin dies of an overdose of sleeping pills...fuck man, what the hell? Now I am really pissed, I might even consider taking my favorite Bible verse of the day off my damn blog. I mean what kind of God would do all this to me in one week? I am thinking, all this loss, all this confusion in my life with my mystery woman, the pshchic who is driving me nuts, the music and now, holy shit, 3 funerals in one week to look forward to.
Talk about some shit !!! Listen up and listen close. If you ALAWAYS are in control of your thoughts, you can drift in and out of space like I have done here and still achieve a great goal. The world is a better place when we "believe in angels. Mystery woman, wherever you are, you have built the foundation under my roadway to survival just by sharing one thought. Thank you, I will love you forever for this, you may even be the lost chord I have been looking for. Who would have ever thought about an umbillical chord, one cut at the gates of heaven, for the purpose of the journey to earth, only to re-unite at a most likely untimely time...all along I thought it had something to do with the theory of music, instead, it's the theory of love and life."
Always remember that I love all of you that come and go on this site, pass your love and remarks to me and never forget the words of Napolean Hill; "A Winner Never Quits And A Quitter Never Wins." Even when shit happens, the "choice" is still yours on how you look at it. So to TJ, Rick and Noel, I will always love you, I will miss you and I may even see you down the line...I will finish all the music, bring into light the mystery woman to play out the final chords and spread across the world a "message of peace", because she will finally bring peace to my life, making herself and my music "one."
I chose this attitude, I could have killed myself. The word "choice" is a simple word. It's not all that simple to accomplish but we all can. Thanks for all your emails while I was out on this emotional journey, and mystery woman, "I love you."
Life holds not one journey nor one lesson it is only when we choose to see them in every occurrence in everything we do we then realize we are not alone nor have we been but instead we survive because our creator carried us through when we needed him most. But even still the journey he had written in this script of time and life was not quite over but instead at a stop sign so we could enjoy the scenery painted around us in the people and environment that surrounds us. Give the glory to god for in him and him alone you find truth love peace and guidance.
ReplyDeleteI love you my friend I have learned many valuable things from your journey and experience even when you think I am clueless.
M.M.