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No, I'm not afraid of putting that in the title. It's just that if I do, this missive won't pass through your spam filters. Hell, for those of you working at companies hyping supposedly limit-testing acts, it probably won't pass through your company filters now that I've actually spelled the word out in this missive. Because that's how afraid of plain English this country is. And if you are protected from reality, how can you know the truth?
And speaking of the truth...
Every time I write about Taylor Swift, and let's be clear, I've foamed at the mouth plenty, I get e-mail from people, true pros, people I know, with big jobs, that she's auto-tuned to death, not only on record, but live. Sour grapes? None of these people are involved with Ms. Swift.
But now I know they're right.
Because I just caught Ms. Swift's opening monologue, a song, on SNL.
Holy shit, she can't sing a lick.
It's like when you're in the car and someone pipes up, singing along to the song on the radio, and you start to cringe, and ultimately need to say something, telling them to shut up, because their voice is so bad.
Believe me, I know I've got a bad voice. But I don't try to be a professional singer.
And we're not talking Bob Dylan here. Forget about the goose farts on his Christmas album (notice how now that it's dropped no one is saying a word...it's just that bad), Dylan was a student of the art, and in his heyday could sing rings around Ms. Swift. Ms. Swift couldn't even make the high school glee club. Not even the junior high version. Hell, I know, I made it once then got kicked off.
What were they thinking here?
I could blame Ms. Swift, but she's not old enough to know better.
But her handlers are.
Why reveal the truth? They almost even had me faked out. But watching this execrable performance I'm questioning the entire product. She can't sing, there are co-writers... Sure, she's got pure desire, but how much is real underneath?
Believe me, the albums are great. But what kind of screwed up world do we live in where to make it as an act, you don't even have to sing well?
I mean it's one thing if you're doing comedy.
Then again, My Son The Nut, Allan Sherman, had a better voice than Ms. Swift.
But the handlers got too greedy, they didn't know their limits. Like Master P, trying to play professional basketball. Worse, Michael Jordan trying to play professional baseball. But at least Mr. Jordan was a professional athlete.
This is the greatest case for preserving mystery in the Internet era. Hell, you didn't see J. Lo singing on SNL. Why deflate the golden goose? Do you really need this victory lap?
Call it hubris.
Not the first time we've seen this in the music business.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/107502/saturday-night-live-taylor-swift-monologue
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